...and this is why I don't keep a journal. Because even though I do like writing (especially about myself), I lack the self-discipline to do so; thus, I try to stick to things I am consistent about...like facebook! But truth is God has been stirring in my heart & I feel a need to share.
So I have scoliosis. I was diagnosed over the summer, but never thought much of it. In fact, I was kind of excited about it--it sounded cool & I felt like I was a member of an exclusive group. How ignorant am I? (Don't answer that). Not until this past month did I realize the very real repercussions this could mean for me. Over the last few weeks, my back pain flared up again, more severe than it has ever been. I thought nothing of it & tried to ignore it. I finally decided to visit the Tang center when it started taking me 10 minutes to change because I had to sit on a chair to put my jeans on and I would have to brace myself every time I had to sneeze because an abrupt pain would shoot up my back.
After visiting Tang yesterday & being referred to physical therapy, I still didn't take it too seriously. We had an IM soccer game last night & I didn't question that I wanted to play. After about 5 minutes, I couldn't take it anymore. The pain in my back was excruciating and it was a struggle for me to get up & go to small group afterwards. My doctors & my parents have all told me that working out is not an option for me now. But exercise has become an integral part of my everyday life and it's something I don't know if I can give up. Whether it be running, taking classes at the RSF, playing tennis or soccer, exercise has become something I turn to for energy, inspiration, happiness and ultimately, life. Anytime I'm upset or frustrated with someone or at a situation in my life, I turn first to exercising. Anytime I'm bored, my first response is to go to the gym. Working out has a therapeutic effect on me. It calms me, brings stability & consistency to my life and also builds my self-confidence, overall mood and attitude. But are these not all things God calls us to find in Him?
I realize that time and time again I have replaced God with working out in my life. The gym has become a place that I find comfort, security and almost self-worth. God desires us, but not only part of us...He wants all of us--all of our time, all of our hearts & all of our lives. Even though this time is going to be difficult, I know that God has provided it for a reason. God desires for us all to rest & to ultimately find life in Him alone. And I believe that He is going to bring true healing into my life.
Another long post, so sorry! Thanks for reading! Such good friends!!! My next post is going to be...before next year, I promise.
